Lately, I have been thinking so much about all of my friends who are single but have a desire to be married. Maybe it's because it wasn't that long ago that I was in that position, but I think it's also because every day, as more exciting times unfold, I am constantly in awe of how God blessed me and fulfilled this desire in such a short amount of time. Today, it seems so natural and right that Ryan and I are engaged and will be joining our lives together in January, but on December 31, 2014, he was merely just a familiar name, an "Oh yeah, I think I've heard of him." We weren't even Facebook friends... and for me, that should be saying something since I'm FB friends with a lot people I have never met! ;)

Over the years, my family & friends hoped and prayed right alongside me in this desire and assured me it would happen someday. They even gave me pointers... "Just put yourself out there more, Taryn," or "So & so has always been a good friend-- maybe you should get to know him?" It was meant to motivate me, but honestly at times it just felt discouraging to always feel like I was somehow failing in my part of being desirable to a guy. Why was no one ever interested? Was I too quirky? Was I too independent? Was I too aggressive, or not aggressive enough? Did I need to try harder? There were so many questions and never any logical answers. 

But deep down, I still had the assurance and peace that only God can give. As I would journal out my prayers in frustration, reminding God again and again of this desire on my heart, it would always come back to the Truth that I was complete in Him. I always felt wholly loved, and uniquely created for a specific purpose, and totally confident that the Father was using me best in my single state. So I would take a deep breath, calm down, and eventually move past my moments of despair. I knew the Truth, even if sometimes it was so hard to believe.

As the years went on, more and more of my close friends became engaged and then married. I had several older girl friends who were snatched up in the past 5-6 years, and while I was thrilled beyond measure for them, it was always a little tough to take. I remember one friend in particular who I connect with so well emotionally, and we usually get together and share all of our hopes, dreams, and fears about our futures. The best part about it is that even after she was engaged and then married, I could still hang out with her and have very down-to-earth conversations that felt like our marital status did not matter one bit. One time, I remember expressing to her that I was so frustrated. And she said, "Taryn, I don't know, either. It just doesn't make sense. But I know it will happen for you." 

It was so refreshing to me, because she didn't try to explain why it was this way or tell me how I should go about improving my ability to manhunt... she wasn't trying to "fix the problem," but she just simply sympathized with me and validated that my feelings were not crazy. 

So to all my single friends out there, wondering "What's wrong with me?" and "Why is this not happening?" Let me tell you-- you are not crazy. You are not single because you lack a certain skill, or because you are not desirable or trying hard enough or wouldn't be the most amazing spouse someone else could hope to find. If you are Christ's, then you have all you need, and you are all that you need to be. The key is to let that Truth penetrate your heart, soak in, and keep you in peace. I'm not saying you will not have times of incredulity where you want to throw up your hands and say "What's the deal?!" or bury your head and cry because you had yet another 23rd awkward and unsuccessful date. Those moments will definitely still exist. But they shouldn't freeze over your heart or make you jaded to making new relationships. 

And if there is one thing I have learned, it is this-- it didn't mater how "aggressive" I was, how many guys I tried to pursue or not pursue, how "out there" I was or wasn't, and whether or not I appeared to be the perfect catch. In the end, Ryan came into my life at exactly the right time and in exactly the right way, and none of that other stuff mattered. What mattered is that I was myself-- I stayed true to who I was. Now with all of this said-- it was also important that I was willing to step out with courage and let God work. I was willing to let Ryan reach out to me, fully realizing that it might go nowhere yet hopeful that it could also go somewhere.

I think one of our biggest problems as humans is our tendency to humanize God in all of our life's circumstances. Society teaches us that life should unfold in a certain way and at certain times, and we expect the Lord to follow suit in His timetable. I always thought I should be married by 22 and have about 3 kids by now. But you know what? I wouldn't change my life and the way it has unfolded even if I could. These past years as a single person have taught me more about relationships, hardships, joys, and struggles than I could have imagined. There is no "right or wrong" -- for those who were married at 22 and have 3 kids by now -- praise Him! He has chosen to use your life in a different way than mine. But it's when we set our expectations according to what we consider "the norm" that we are sorely disappointed, because that is just not the God we serve. He doesn't operate based on "the norm," which today is one thing and tomorrow another, but rather He operates from His solid, unchanging Truth. That is why obedience is so important. We cannot possibly know the tremendous lessons and blessings He has planned for us unless we unabashedly pursue and follow Him, no matter the cost. And sometimes, that price is throwing away our hopes, dreams, and built-up expectations. It's not bad to have them, but it's dangerous to cling to them. God's ways are anything but normal and almost always radical, but the payoff is magnificent and eternal.

T