I always love to have a spot to record the details of important life events—so here is the space for Phoebe’s entrance into this world!

I’ll first recount a few details about my pregnancy.

We found out we were pregnant in early May 2022. I was pretty surprised… while we weren’t actively “trying,” we weren’t NOT trying and apparently that equals a baby :)

I had to immediately surrender the timing to the Lord, because I was actually not really wanting another January baby, which also meant going through the first trimester in the summer, and knowing I’d get sick, I didn’t want to ruin my summer. 

However, God in His faithfulness had the perfect timing. As in my other pregnancies, I was super sick by 5 weeks along and continued to be pretty non-functional until closer to 20 weeks. 24/7 nausea, vomiting, fatigue, weakness, and an inability to eat / swallow without gagging kept me in bed most days. It was a time of survival mode. I quickly spiraled emotionally and it ended up being a time of great discouragement and misery for me. There was no relief, and no end in sight. It felt so helpless not to be able to take care of my house or kids, let alone myself most days. I spent many hours in the bathroom eating little nibbles of food, feeling so awful that at any moment I could throw up.

In reflection, though, I quickly realized how good God is in taking care of me. Because it was summer, my nieces were off school, and they pitched in big time to help me. They’d take my kids for the day, drive them to swimming lessons, pick up food for me, etc. It was also nice that I didn’t have a super busy schedule to try to manage since it WAS summer, and I could go outside during my more nauseous moments to eat or get away from the smells of the indoors. And so many friends and family pitched in with words of encouragement, prayers, meals, etc.

I was able to get on some medications to KIND OF help with the nausea at its worst (Zofran only went so far but better than nothing) and also some med to help even out my emotions. 

At 13 weeks pregnant, we did the genetic blood test which also found out gender. I remember sitting in the parking lot of Steak ‘n Shake one day, choking down a grilled cheese, and calling my OB office to get the results. They told me baby was completely healthy and a girl! I was leaning more towards thinking she was a boy, so I was surprised but we were so thankful and it made it more personal to know it was a baby girl inside my tummy moving forward.

I had a window of semi-relief (I never felt normal or good this entire pregnancy, but a VAST improvement during this time in comparison to where I first was) from 24-30 weeks. Once baby girl started growing though and I hit closer to the third trimester, I started having high blood pressure (as in my other 2 pregnancies with a history of pre-eclampsia, this was not a surprise and something we were watching for). From this point on, we monitored my BPs with my OB, protein in my urine, and bloodwork. By beginning of November, it started climbing and I ended up in L&D triage a handful of times to monitor baby, get bloodwork done, etc.

At this point, the plan was to make it to 37 weeks. Gestational hypertension alone is enough to induce at this point. However, I always knew that if my test results ever showed pre-eclampsia, an earlier delivery might be needed.

The last 2 months of my pregnancy were pretty miserable. I had to get on some BP medication at this point to manage my high pressures, and it made me feel awful. Upon taking my morning dose, I literally became so tired that I had to crawl in bed and sleep for 2-3 hours. The discomfort of the third tri had also kicked in, and I often felt exhausted / physically incapable / unmotivated and my nausea returned after eating meals. I eventually switched my BP med, which helped in the short term kick my utter fatigue and gain some energy back.

On Tues. 12/20, I ended up with some very high BP numbers (170s/80s over 100s) so ended up in L&D triage. They admitted me for 24h to do a 24h urine, as my protein was slightly elevated, do bloodwork, and get steroid shots to develop baby’s lungs, as it was looking like an early delivery could be imminent. 

This stay was actually pretty relaxing, as I got to stay on a women’s floor that was super quiet, order in food to my room, & complete my 24h urine. I also got 2 steroid shots to the butt 24h apart to help develop baby. I was discharged on Wed. 12/21, and it felt so good to get home and sleep in my own bed that night.

The next day, Th 12/22 I had an appointment with my OB. We talked over my 24h urine results, which looked OK, and made a plan for induction at exactly 37 weeks for Fri. 12/30 (at midnight on Th night). I only had a week left!

I decided to go get a “baby girl” mani/pedi that afternoon… and that evening, I was able to be with my entire Kaiser family to celebrate my parent’s 50^th wedding anniversary. It was a special evening, and I actually felt REALLY good this day. I think baby had dropped even more, because that night, I ate more food than I had the entire pregnancy!  

That evening, I noticed when I went to the bathroom that I had a bit of pink-tinted discharge. This was new for me, because I have never experienced any sort of bleeding in any of my pregnancies until I give birth. 

We got home, and I ended up going to bed around 9pm because I was super tired. I woke up several times that night to pee (as usual), and noticed each time that I was having more pink discharge. I also started to notice that my underwear was wet- like I was leaking. I was having pretty good contractions, but that was nothing new for me. I often contract through the night and especially when I get up to go to the bathroom.

Around 4:30am, I got out of bed and got a snack and drank some water. I walked around a bit and then sat on the couch in the living room & stared at our Christmas tree. I was hesitant to even time my contractions, because I have them all.the.time and they almost never equate to anything consistent. However, this felt a bit different. My contractions felt more achy and like menstrual cramps—and seemed to be coming at a decent clip no matter what I did. So I started timing them, and they were coming every 2-3 minutes and lasting at least 40 seconds – over a minute in length.

I continued to time them and walk around or rest. I had been texting with my Mom and at this point, we were fairly certain something was going on. So I made some finishing touches on my hospital bag, and around 6:30 woke Ryan up to update him. 

I knew the kids would be up at 7am on the button, because we were planning on celebrating Christmas on this day as our little family, and they knew they would get to open stockings first thing. So they woke up, and we did stockings with them together. I'm glad we were able to enjoy this sweet little Christmas moment with them before leaving.

I kept waffling back and forth about whether to go in, but the kicker for me was that for the past several hours, I hadn’t felt baby move much. Morning tends to be her quieter time, but usually I can get her to respond when I nudge her feet or tap my belly. So we decided all things considered, we would go into L&D triage. 

We got there around 8am. A nurse came in and did a cervical check (I was still only a 1) but said, “Yeah, I see what you mean about the leaking. You’re very wet down here!” She then did a test on the fluid I was leaking and it came back almost immediately positive for amniotic fluid. “Congrats—that gets you a room,” she said. 

We got into our room and settled around 11am. They got my IV placed and continued to monitor me. My contractions were still coming pretty consistently. They confirmed baby was head down with US and started me on penicillin prophylactically since I would be delivering pre-term. Around noon, I was still dilated to a 1 with a bit more effacement / change in station.

Around 1:30, the OB on call came in and checked me again, and also placed an internal monitor for baby. This was enough to completely break my water the rest of the way- it was like the floodgates opened! I was a 2 at this point and Dr. said I’d probably go pretty quick since this is my 3^rd and water was broke. They encouraged me to get an epidural NOW if I wanted one.

At 2:30, I got my epidural placed, and they had me rest on my side with the peanut pillow. Baby didn’t like my position, so after awhile, I flipped. At this point, also learned that some of my bloodwork came back with elevated liver enzymes (they had shot up within the 48h from my last blood draw) which points to liver stress / damage from pre-e. So needed to keep my BP down in order to stay off the Mag.

Right after epi was placed, they started me on Pitocin. My contractions picked up big time and became much stronger and more consistent. The best part—I didn’t feel a single thing! 

They checked me again at 4:30pm and I was a 6 and 90% effaced. At this point, I was thinking that it would probably be a few more hours, so I asked for a popsicle  My nurse got it for me and they also decided to sit up me up nice and straight. They brought my bed up and propped me. It felt good to be upright. My nurse handed me my popsicle and I started eating it. My mom took a pic and then said, “Hold on, I need to retake that.” This was at exactly 4:42pm.

However, at this exact moment I started feeling TONS of pressure and I just knew. “She’s coming,” I said, and quickly handed my popsicle off. “I feel like I need to push.”

My nurse checked me and said, “Yep- let’s have a baby!”

I had gone from a 6 to complete in less than 5 minutes! They laid me back and at this point I was breathing and panting through the contractions. They called in the resident OB, called the doctor to come ASAP and said we’d probably start spontaneously pushing.

They let me push and on push 1, her head was out! They had me pant through the next contraction to give the Dr. enough time to get there—and by push 3 Dr. was there and baby came out the rest of the way! It all happened so fast!

Phoebe was born at 4:52pm. They placed her on my chest, she had tons of jet black hair and was just the sweetest little peanut. Her breathing was a bit slow at first but then she did just fine. They checked her over good, listened to her heart rate, etc. and she was amazing and healthy. We eventually learned she was 6 lb 10 oz- and 17” long- they were all surprised by her size as a 36-weeker! I was also beyond thankful that we had gotten those steroid shots a few days prior—I think those were key to completing her development! 

It was so nice to have a quick and easy L&D experience, and I was honestly so shocked my water broke on its own. However, I can’t help but think it was God’s kindness and protection. Knowing that my liver numbers had shot up that much and how high my BPs were, baby needed to just come out. Even in talking to my OB a few days later, he said water breaking is such a random event. I can’t help but think it was God’s perfect timing in keeping us both safe!

The OB I have been seeing was unable to make it to my birth because of a death in the family, but I knew the OB on call (as did my Mom- it’s actually her OB!) and it was sweet to have someone familiar there for delivery. 

Since I delivered by 5pm, there was enough time to order dinner (I was starving!) so I had a celebratory burger, fries, and chocolate cake!

I was moved to postpartum, and everything was looking OK at that point, so Ryan went home to sleep (you may remember he has epilepsy and needs a good stretch of sleep each night), as did my Mom. However, my BPs started to climb that night and stay high, so they unfortunately had to start me on Magnesium around 4am. Thankfully, they didn’t bolus the first dose so it wasn’t AS terrible (more of a maintenance dose), but still makes you terrible woozy / hot / overall ill-feeling. Another praise was that I got to stay on my regular diet and eat! My past two Mag experiences, I had to be on an all-liquids diet for 24h which is basically torture after pushing a baby out, getting your milk supply in, and being SO hungry!

That next day/night wasn’t the most pleasant. Because I had to be on the Mag, I had to call a nurse anytime I had to go to the bathroom to help me. They also had to take my vitals every couple hours, and that first day, it’s a revolving door anyway between the pediatrician, nurses, OB, birth certificate stuff, etc. Also, because Phoebe was late pre-term they did a 24h blood sugar check on her before every time I nursed her… and she wanted to nurse A LOT. So basically, anytime I had to pee or feed my baby, I had to call in a nurse. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep for about 48 hours. This face accurately portrays how I felt.

My BPs were still not doing great, so they added another BP med (the one I HATE) on top of my other BP med. That helped manage it a bit better, but it would still get pretty high at night. However, on Christmas Day, my OB mercifully discharged me, even though I think protocol is usually another night of monitoring when you’ve been on Mag. 

We were home by late afternoon on Christmas Day. It felt so surreal! I could not believe Phoebe was here by Christmas. 

I woke up with some pretty violent postpartum shaking / sweating / high BP the first night home, but my Mom came to help with the baby and I was able to calm down and get some rest afterward. 

The next day, the kids came and visited for a few hours so they could meet their baby sister and open some Christmas gifts. They are smitten!

The past few days, I’ve been trying to lay low, get rest where I can, and visited with my OB yesterday about a plan. I’ll stay on my 2 BP meds and up one of them as needed (if necessary) or can wean down off of it if I have a couple days of good readings. The first few days, my BP has been pretty consistently high with a couple episodes of it bottoming me out (which is also not a fun feeling). Today, my BPs have been doing a lot better! However, I’ll play it safe on the conservative end so we can keep this well-managed and I can stay healthy. It’s scary to have such little control over what your body is doing and knowing that some of my BP readings are in a treatable range at the hospital, I’m trying to be mindful.

Phoebe is the sweetest little baby and is doing amazing. As of Monday, she had already gained weight and was almost back up to birth weight. She nurses amazingly—she is tiny but mighty and has a very strong suck & great strength in her little hands and neck. I just keep staring at her and thinking what a miracle she is. So many things have to “go right” for these babies to come out perfectly formed and healthy. Even despite the wild ride my pregnancy has been, she has stayed safe & healthy in my womb and has grown and developed right on track. 

Even though this has been my shortest pregnancy yet at 36 weeks, it definitely felt like my longest. I’d love to say that despite the physical suffering it brought, that I handled it so well and was a beacon of light and hope to those who saw me muscle through it. Sadly, the opposite is true. I feel like I so easily fell into a pit of despair, felt sorry for myself, willed the pregnancy to be over as soon as it could be, and wallowed in my misery. I’m grateful though that God meets us where we are and allows us to learn through the difficult seasons, even when we don’t handle them with grace or gumption. He can, will, and is using this experience to teach me, grow me, and progressively sanctify my broken, sinful heart. I have so much to be thankful for in this moment. May I never lose sight of the miracle of life, and all the peaks and valleys. God is faithful and continues to be regardless of our circumstances.