For the first few months (and even now, sometimes) the most dreaded question for me was, "So, how are you liking your new house?"

I think it's kind and lovely people want to know... However, I might be extra sensitive is because I am so busy that a lot of times, I haven't even been able to enjoy it. I come home, and instead of thinking about having a social life, a pile of laundry and dirty dishes are waiting for me.

Now, that's not my life ALL the time, but when I'm busy at work, it makes the rest of my life even busier. Additionally, as much as I love my 3rd shift job, I am SUCH a night owl and that's when I get stuff done. So my options are 1) stay up in the morning and get things done or 2) go back to sleep when I return from 3rd shift. And you better believe I almost always taken option #2.

Anyway, I'm done complaining. Here are some things I have immensely enjoyed since moving out... because, well, I can do whatever I want now :)

1) Eating popcorn in bed.
(OK, I may have done this at home, too... but I doubt my mom appreciated it.)
It is not uncommon to find little popcorn kernels under my bed.

2) Leave the house... with my bed unmade.
This actually almost kills me. I think it's because I grew up ALWAYS making my bed, and it was not acceptable to not do it. So it's just ingrained in my head. But sometimes, I'm running super late and I just can't get to it. So I leave it :)

3) Eat oatmeal or cereal for dinner.
Lame, I know. But sometimes it just sounds good and so that's what I eat :)

4) Clean my house... whenever I want!
Sometimes, it happens every week, just the way I like it.
But there are times that I have been super busy and I let things go... and really, instead of coming home and worrying about it, I crash on the couch and ignore the mess that surrounds me. No big deal.

5) Sleep with my cat.
Lily sleeps in my bed every night... yes, she is a bit spoiled. She even brings her toys into my bed and plays with them while I'm trying to sleep. But it is so sweet when she is curled up and purring beside me... I know she's just a cat, but it does help me feel less lonely and more safe.

So those are just a few things that I have been enjoying since living on my own. Trust me, moving out definitely reminded me of everything I DIDN'T do or worry about while still living with my parents... my mom spoiled me :) But it is great to have the responsibility and make decisions, even if they are little, on my own. As stressful and busy as it can be, it's worth it.

Love you all-- be back soon!

T

Well, I promised I would be back... so here I am.

Recently, I read one of my earlier posts (from 2006... when I was in college) and I was startled at how much I have changed. Obviously, I have grown older and matured, but also, I found myself laughing.

I laughed because I used to be so much more open and candid. I wasn't afraid to write about much of anything. I was so real and out there... and these days...

I find I am more guarded.

Right or wrong, it's just the way it is, and I found it to be an interesting observation.

Maybe I psycho-analyze too much, but at any rate, I want it to be a goal of mine to be genuine, always.

So lately, I have found the supernatural joy of the Lord being infused back into my life. For this, I am thankful. I went through a recent valley lately. I'm not sure what caused it or why it was there, but with a little bit of work (because climbing up a mountain from the bottom isn't always easy) I am finding that I am on my way back up. Part of me is enjoying the climb, because I know that once I reach the top... although it is a BEAUTIFUL view, the only place to go is down, unless I can sustain my spot of mountaintop awesomeness.

And with God's good grace and help, I can. So, I continue to envelope myself with the joy of Jesus and let that be the driving force to get me through each and every day. After all, that's all I can rely on, anyway. To rely on anything else usually results in disaster, eventually.

I am encouraged that everything I read right now, whether it be in devotions, Jesus Calling, or as a topic of a bible study, is exactly what I need. God has a beautiful way of giving us what we need, when we need it, as long as we are willing to receive.

Anyway, I am excited to continue on in my journey and see what good things God continues to provide in my life.

IA has been... stressful, to say the least. But good. And getting better. We are on the uphill swing, I would say. We went through a tough time recently of "defining and redefining" who we were and what we wanted to be, but now that we have that figured out, it just takes courage, perseverance, and wisdom to keep things rolling. Every time it gets tough, I always view our business as a gift from God and my working relationship with Kristi as a marriage-- we made a vow of "commitment" and even when it gets tough, that's not excuse to give up. God brought it all together for a reason and blessed it with success, and there's a reason for it. At times, I do wonder what God was thinking when He put Kristi and I together because we couldn't be any more different, but somehow, by His grace, we've gotten this far. And I always think... if we have gotten THIS far, then we can get through anything.

Home life has been... lacking. That sounds terrible, but I feel like I'm hardly home. Except on the weekends, which are spent cleaning or organizing or paying bills or buying groceries or just CRASHING on the couch with my popcorn and kitty. I have loved living on my own, but it has definitely been an adjustment. I DO get my "me" time but a lot of my "me" time is spent doing the things that my Mom used to take care of for me :) So it's just getting used to the change.

My passion has been... growing. Each and every situation life takes me through refines me and teaches me that God can only use me--Taryn--in a special, unique way. This way is apart from anyone else's way. That, to me, is a beautiful thought. With that in mind, I am trying to stay as plugged in as possible to the Lord's plan in using my talents and personality to bless others. Without that, what am I really living for? Myself?

Attitude is so important, I am finding. I love that quote that says, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." It's so true. Not that "happiness" is our ultime goal, but the point is, WE are in charge of how we let certain situations, words, thoughts, emotions, or anything else affect us. I can either choose to let something destroy me, or teach me. I can let it tear me down, or make me stronger. I can let it kill my mood, or make me thankful. I can choose to become irritated, or smile my way through. I can let all the little things bring me down, or let the One I DO have lift me up.

It's all a perspective check, really. And it's all in having an attitude of gratitude.

I'm just thankful for a Jesus who is so patient and kind!

Love you all,

T

I have less than 5 minutes to write this.

Lucky you.

Tomorrow, we have a wedding. Will be our first HOT one.

This Sunday is Father's day... and my parents will be gone. :(

I have lots of little updates and some new insights, but there is just not enough time to fill you in on everything tonight.

So we'll just review a few fun facts:

1) My new morning routine is as follows:
Get out of bed.
(And because the mornings have actually been DELIGHTFULLY cool...)
Wrap myself in my hot pink soft blanket.
Fix a bowl of cereal.
Go outside.
Sit on the little lawn chair in my backyard with my face completely basking in the sun.
(But my body is wrapped up and warm in my blanket, of course.)
Eat my bowl of cereal.
Read Jesus Calling.
Pray.
Obtain Vitamin D and needed sun-on-face for 5 minutes.
Go inside and get ready for the day.

This routine has had amazing results! It could just be in my head, but I feel more joyful and ready to tackle my day when started this way.

2) Ever since I started making stovetop popcorn with extra virgin olive oil & a dash of Morton Salt, I have had a very difficult time returning to microwave popcorn.

It's just not the same.

3) My favorite afternoon pick-me-up snack at work is a small cup of the flavor-of-the-day coffee from L&B (my fave is Snickerdoodle) & a chocolate Hershey's bar.

That's all for tonight... we'll talk soon.

Love you all,

T

When I was little, I was very inquisitive. 

I have been biting my finger nails lately.

That means I'm stressed.

I don't even notice I'm doing it, really. But it's a tell tale sign that too much is going on.

If someone would ask me, "Taryn, are you stressed?"

I would say, "No, I'm fine."

But it's because I like to see the glass half full. And, I'm realizing... I'm so proud. I'm too afraid to admit when life isn't all put together. I want it to appear like everything is smooth sailing. Anything else would show weakness.

Then, I become irritated that I put on a mask, because facades are so fake. And I'm all about REAL. So, in an effort to fool everyone into thinking everything is 100%, I compromise being genuine. And I hate that.

Don't get me wrong-- not everyone wants a thorough outpouring of my heart every time they ask "How are you doing?" nor do people need me to coat every response with emotional drama.

But I don't think that's the point. The point is... I must be honest. With myself, and with others. And especially with God.

So here we go... my best attempt at being real:

Lately, I have been struggling to keep my head above water. To top it off, I have been consistently indifferent towards God-- to my shame. I realize that the life of every Christian tends to be a roller coaster, but it kills me to admit that I'm in a down loop right now.

To explain, I have been slacking on being in the Word. I have also been turning off conversation with God. I didn't realize I was doing it until I came to the core of the problem-- to talk to God would entail honesty. It would entail owning my struggles, owning my pride, and owning my lack of faith. And those are things, quite frankly, that I just don't feel like doing. So I cut off communication.

Trust me-- it's not a good idea. Because, quite simply, it doesn't work.

All it has done is it has left me feeling directionless, and I really don't like that feeling.

Yet, God still proves His faithfulness and provision to me, despite my lack of Faith. And it is in this that I realize that his goodness and Love is not dependent on my performance... thank goodness. I need that reminder from time to time, yet it is no excuse to slack off.

I had a really good conversation with someone last weekend. I was with a group of people, and the two of us walked off alone. I was in a pensive mood-- which is always a recipe for a heart-to-heart.

Thankfully, she is an excellent listener and wonderful advice-giver, and someone I look up to and trust. I don't know her that extremely well, but well enough to confide in.

So I did. I poured out my heart to her, and I was completely uninhibited. It was exactly what I needed to do. Mostly, because I needed to acknowledge where I was-- verbally. I needed someone to hear it, other than the walls of my heart and chambers of my mind.

I told her that I was slacking off on praying. That I wasn't actively communicating to God like I used to-- I used to talk to him every minute of every day and tell Him everything. How I was falling behind on my Bible reading plan, but I desired to do better. I told her about a prayer project I started a couple of years ago that was one of the hugest blessings in my life, but somehow, I had managed to put it off for the last several months. I told her about my business and how it's going through an entirely tough and challenging time, and how overwhelming it is. How insecure it makes me feel, and how it's hard sometimes to come home to an empty house and spend my weekends catching up on laundry and cooking meals... for one. I told her that amidst all of this, none of it is an excuse to put off God, or to ignore Him. Because in it all is a blessing. In it is an amazing timetable and weaving of the Spirit's hands, and I can't challenge that... because His ways are so much higher than my ways.

This friend was an angel to me on this particular night, simply because she listened. And that's what I needed... someone to listen and understand and encourage.

I have been thinking about that conversation and my spiritual state this whole week. As I continue through this typically busy and stressful set of days, I am realizing more and more that the Spirit continues to nudge me and call me back.

The Lord is saying... Taryn. Get in my Word. Taryn... talk to me. Taryn... don't give up, I love you and have been using you all along.

I am convinced that we go through these times in order to give us an opportunity to be refined. On the day I talked to my friend, I read this particular devotion out loud to a few different people, because it spoke volumes to me. It comes from the devotion series I am working on right now called "The Confident Woman," and I loved the words. I'll close with it now:

I have Blogger template ADD.

I can't help it!

I like to LOVE something. When I love it, I keep it. I am loyal to it and I stand by it for a long, long time. Like a cute & functional purse, or a particular scent of candle, or a tried & true dessert from a local coffee shop.

But if the L factor isn't there, then I quickly give it up. And I change till I love.

We might be getting there with my blog layout/template. I really wanted something more functional and organized. Some future tweaking will possibly arise, but for now, I am content with how it's shaping up.

For those of you who didn't even notice the change (as the color scheme is similar to my previous but not exact), bless you. I hope to obtain a balance between users who love to read what I have to say, and readers who love to use what I have to provide.

Did that even make sense?

Moving on...

Living on my own and having a home has certainly made me more of a "goal setter." And when I say goals, they are very short-term and little. But hey, they are goals, nonetheless... or maybe a more realistic term is "to-do" items. Calling it a goal makes me sound more ambitious, though.

My personal favorite checkmark on the to-do list was to organize and clean my garage. It is a task that has been haunting me since I moved in last Fall. My garage has never-ending storage options, so guess where all my JUNK ended up? And I didn't bother to clean it out before I continued to use it as a catch-all.

However, it only took a couple hours and I had everything organized & cleaned out. Had a giant pile of flattened boxes, several bags of garbage, and a couple of bags for GoodWill, and voila. It was done. I now enjoy parking in it.

Anyway, all this to say... free time in my evenings and on weekends has become increasingly lame. Although, I don't feel like it's lame because I actually enjoy doing this stuff. I never thought I'd find the day where cleaning my house & organizing my garage sounds like a good idea on a Friday night... but, I'm there.

Don't worry, I always rewards myself with a bowl of popcorn afterwards.

So I have more inspiring things to talk about, but right now I'm getting tired. That's the other thing, my new bedtime has suddenly changed. I used to find it appalling to go to bed before midnight, and now I'm doing good to make it past 10:30.

People may think I'm 18, but really. I'm 26. And it's starting to show.

Be back soon.

Love you all!

T

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm busy at work.

Thankfully, this year, our weddings are quite spread out. This is a lot more manageable than the typical 5-in-a-row series we end up booking every season.

Instead, we have a nice wedding schedule, with a 2-3 week break in between each one.

Our current goal is to grow our portrait business as much as we can in the meantime. This includes meeting with vendors, business people, and marketing in ways we haven't before. We also just hired an "art consultant" (i.e. sales girl) and we love having someone fill that position! It frees up a lot of extra time for Kristi and I to do PR and just focus on growing our business strategically.

Aside from new challenges at work, I continue to stay a busy person at home, as usual.

I know I always say that I would rather be busy than bored, but sometimes it's nice to have some down time. I find that most of my down time, if it does occur, happens on the weekends. I look forward to these blocks of time in which I can catch up on laundry, clean my house, do yard work, and just chill on the couch with a bowl of popcorn.

In other news, I have a new kitty :)

The whole situation happened rather quickly and spontaneously.

Shortly after Kitty was put to rest, I began my search for a new kitten. I wasn't about to go out the very next day and find one, but I knew I wanted one soon.

I felt OK. I had convinced myself that I had mourned Kitty's death mostly before she even died. By the time it was right, I was all business. I was sad, but I knew it had to be done.

After, I missed her... a lot. But I also just missed the idea of having another life around... you know? Coming home to an empty house every night isn't ideal. It helps to have a furry friend.

SO, the search began. I had many offers for older cats who needed a home, but I declined each one due to two reasons. First, I for sure wanted a kitten, so I could enjoy kittenhood again. Second, another option would have been to adopt one of these older cats as a "friend" for my new kitten, but after some thought I decided against it. While it sounded like a good plan, I knew in the long run I would want to keep it easy and simple, and I liked the idea of having "one" kitty who traveled to the studio with me and kept me company. Having two means twice the amount of food, toys, and kitty litter, plus I never wanted to "leave one out."

After a week of unsuccessful searching, I sort of went crazy. I went into panic mode and started scouring craigslist for every kitten available in Central IL all the way to the ends of the state.

It seemed like every time I would find kittens, I would strike out. They were all male. Or they were all shorthair. Or they were female medium-haired kittens, but when I called, they were all already taken.

I finally found a black & white "medium-haired" kitten. She was the only available one left, and her picture looked adorable. Her owner told me she didn't have short hair but it wasn't long, either. Sounded like medium hair to me-- perfect.

So, I drug Kristi along with me on a very long car ride to pick her up.

On the way there... I was excited. Excited to meet her, excited to finally have a kitten.

But when I arrived, I was very surprised at how I reacted. She wasn't what I expected, in the first place. She was tiny and adorable-- but, she wasn't a medium hair. Her hair was a bit longer than your typical shorthair, but she wasn't soft and fluffy like Kitty was.

She wasn't spunky like Kitty, either. She was sweet and cuddly. She didn't have the right dose of attitude. She was long and lanky, and I could feel her bones underneath her fur. When I pet her, she wasn't super-soft. Her eyes were dark green, not bright like Kitty's.

As I tucked her in my sweatshirt and headed for the car, the clouds gray overhead and my mind even grayer, I couldn't stop the comparisons.

She wasn't Kitty.

I don't know what I expected. One thing was for sure, though-- I was caught off guard.

I thought I would be excited, and jumping for joy. I thought I would immediately fall in love with this kitten. I thought it would just seem right.

Instead, I felt overwhelmed with sadness. I felt like crying because I missed Kitty even more than I imagined. I felt like handing this kitten off to someone else and going home empty-handed, because it would have been easier.

So for the first time since the day I watched Kitty die... I cried.

I cried for Kitty and for who she was and our short life we had together.

Then I listened to my mom and Kristi tell me to "Give it a week. See how you feel at the end. If you're still not connecting with her, you can give her away. There are a lot of people who want kittens."

I took their advice and took this little kitten home, despite my uneasy feeling.

The first night, she slept with me. I wasn't too attached to her yet so I didn't really care what she did, but at one point I woke up during the night and she had nuzzled herself against my chest and had snuggled in underneath the covers with me.

It was the sweetest thing ever.

But I still wasn't in love. I woke up the next morning, still uneasy.

Yet I took her to work, like I did with Kitty.

And I watched as she didn't look out the front window like Kitty did, and how she didn't sleep on my desk on the pink bed like Kitty did.

But she had her own unique quirks. She sat up on the counter and batted at the planted palm, biting it and attacking it in a cute, playful fashion. She chased a crinkly ball around the office and laid beneath my desk and batted at all the cords hanging down. And she sat in my lap and snuggled in with her blanket on my desk.

On the second day, I was starting to like her but was still unsure. She continued to live life with me as usual, and in the mean time, my mom and Kristi were both in love with her.

By day 3, all of my nieces and nephews had met her and played with her, and my mom had measured her neck to make her a personalized collar.

And she became Facebook official.

So she is a keeper.

I named her Lily, and she definitely fits her name. She is a petitie little spit fire. She darts across the room and up and down my furniture, much like Kitty, but she also plays very nicely with all of her toys. She can occupy herself very easily, but also LOVES to be around people. She is less independent than Kitty, and definitely more of a "lap" cat. She loves to be pet, and will start purring when you pick her up and cuddle her. She will play hard, and then sleep hard. She sleeps for 2-3 hours at a time and slips into a mild coma, in which she curls up into darling positions.

No, she is not Kitty. Kitty will always hold a special place in my heart that no other cat can replace. However, Lily is a sweet little companion to step into place post-Kitty, and I know she will be a great and loving friend.

I am excited to get to know her better and begin life with her.

So, I will conclude on that note about Lily. I'll be back soon, and will hopefully transition to another less-feline topic :) I have a lot floating in my head these days, and a lot I'd like to eventually share, so I'm sure I will be back before long.

Love you all!

T